I just read a really thought provoking article in a newspaper where it talks about how men in their 30s are struggling to connect with women. To summarise the two page article, it says this this in the last paragraph: "When I was a teenager, my (male) friends used to say girls were handbrakes because they restricted your movements and ability to have a laugh. Now we (men) are the handbrakes! Girls don't need us. They can do anything on their own, even reproduce. I can just see the future: a world full of men acting all coquettish like Bridget Jones and women behaving like Sam from Sex and the City. God help us." The article really goes in depth to talk about how many men don't feel needed by women. When is independence bad? And as women what should we be doing so men don't feel this way? Men - what are your thoughts?

I have got to say that because everyone is trying to be so politically correct that the poor men don't know if they will get a smil or a snarl when they open a door or give a seat to a women. I must say I love it and make a big fuss of saying thank you

What a thought provoking question. Being someone who is
fiercely independent having been without a man by choice for
some years now, how do I answer that one? It is true though,
apart from maybe love and companionship, I have no need of a
man. That sounds awful doesn't it. What can I do so a man
would feel needed? How would I reliquish the autonomy that
I have without losing something? I could not even consider
being with someone who was not my equal. Insight needed
pleeeeeezzzzze

Rubyleeangel

I think if we have been burnt and hurt whether it's from previous love relationships or even by our fathers or siblings, we can easily put up the walls to protect ourselves. I don't think men and women living seperately or independently was ever the original intention. I've always been independent too, I grew up with two sisters and a mother, my father was always fairly distant and absorbed in his own world and issues. Relating to men and trusting them has been a challenge. For some reason I find women feel they need to prove they have it all together (relate to this believe me)and yes we are good multi-taskers. But we are made differently and are gifted differently. And therefore I think we need to know who we are and how we are made, and be confident in that not because we have something to prove, but so that we can release others (men) to be who they are. There's a saying if you lose something you will gain it. Often losing our autonomy, if we probe deeper is more about losing fear, or control. Anyone else have some thoughts on this?

Well I'm one woman who needs her man.

I did get burnt when younger and went through a period when I thought I'd stay single and bring my kids up that way too. But then I met Graham and he was like no other man I'd met before. We were both in our 30s when we met with failed marriages behind us.

We are both very independent people and have our own hobbies we pursue and are comfortable on our own but it's like something is completed when we're together and we share an interest in what each other has been doing and share in highs and lows of each other's lives. Whilst I don't feel lost if he's not around (like a lovesick puppy) because I am comfortable on my own, I am happy when he is here and the more time we spend in each other's company, the more we want to be together.

I feel that so many people have lost that today and it's such a shame. I feel part of what has made our relationship successful is that we are both comfortable with who we are as individuals and didn't feel that we needed someone else to make us a whole person. I see that in so many 'singles' these days - putting their lives on hold waiting for Mr Right or Miss Right to come along, when in actual fact just getting on with your life could well put that right person in your path!

I probably should add I'd made a decision about the type of work I was going to do and how I was going to support my 3 daughters and myself - I didn't want to be home on a pension. It was my decision that actually placed me where Graham was working and that's where we met.

Post edited by: kathiemt, at: 2007/05/08 20:22

This is a very interesting topic. Needing a man and wanting a
man are two different things. I don't believe either that Goc
intended man to be alone, but even Paul the apostle advocates
the peacefulness of being single (and he was) as beneficial,
and it is. When you have had failed relationships with men,
the time comes when you have to stand back and take time out
to recover (lots of time in my case), and in that recovery
process you become very independent as you rise up and have to
manage things. Self confidence grows as you realise that you
can actually do things without having to rely on someone else
all the time. It's not about having everything together,
nobody does, it's not possible to live in this world without
being seriously flawed, but the need for a man diminishes in
this process as you grow as a confident woman and as you
relinquish the mindset that you have to have a man in your
life or there is something wrong with you. It becomes a
choice, something you want rather than need, and as
reflection helps you to see where past mistakes have occurred
you tend to raise the bar really high in choosing a partner
because where in the past you settled for second bestdue to
perceived need, you are now in a position to choose first
Gods first best, when He brings the right person along.
However the question remains, even when you choose Gods best
person for you, the challenges of being molded with that
person after being independent remain. Yes there is trepid
ation in that place, so the question becomes 'when is it
safe to let down the walls?', and I think that is a question
that many of us women need help with because we have worked
so hard through the recovery process.

Rubyleeangel.