We all know what a perfectionist looks like? But how perfect does your life have to be? How have you coped when life hasn't panned out the way you imagined? How did you cope? Have your say today?

I must say when I read this thread topic I had to laugh. I am a wonderful walking contradiction of an extreme perfectionist - to such a degree that at times I won't even try as I know I cannot get it perfect, to being incredibly laid back.

My life certainly did not turn out the way I had planned. I lost my husband in a tragic accident and was left with two teenage daughters and a 3 year old to raise. For some parts of the journey I have had to be laid back - only energy, which was a scarce resource, was to be used on those things that were of significant importance. The rest was go with the flow and just take life one hour at a time.

My prayer of that time was asking God to lay in the quiet place where the wounds were too deep and there were no words. Just to go to that place and invite God to stand in that place with me. And wait ...

My life now looks nothing like the life I planned. I have huge losses and it does not look like how I would chose it to be. However there have been other aspects such as I have gone to University and got a degree. It is 7 1/2 years on and I am still waiting on God - I have no idea where I'm heading but I am trying to be faithful in the small things and what He has put in front of me today to do.

Post edited by: Kiwichick111, at: 2007/07/10 07:34

Hi Kiwichick111, wow - thanks for sharing what you have gone through in life. I can't imagine the pain of what you've been through. Do you feel it has made you a stronger person? And therefore able to relate to what others go through in tough times?

I lost a relationship that was very important to me 8 years ago, the person didn't pass away literally, but we were best friends and then through choices we could no longer be friends. For me it was like a death, as we no longer could talk, share our dreams with one another, laugh etc. The grieving process took a long time for me to get through, and for a while I really sensed I didn't know where I was heading or what I was living for, even though I had God in my life. A friend said to me once just keep moving. If I kept moving, kept serving, kept giving, life was somehow better. The biggest challenge came to actually asking and trusting for something good to come back in my life... and yes the waiting process ... do you find there's so much waiting to do!? But it's in the waiting I found who I am, where my security lies and I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am never ever alone. I might feel lonely but I am not alone.

It is an interesting thought. Has it made me stronger? I'm not sure if stronger is the word. I remember a woman once praying for strength and described it as steel to the backbone. I often think of that. I guess I am stronger through it all - however do I feel stronger - no not at all. To me strength has conotations of feeling strong - and that is certainly not how I feel. I feel the changeability of life and how in a moment all can change. Mignon McLaughlin stated that "The only courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one moment to the next". The blessing in this is that produces a greater understanding and thus, I have found, allowed me to sow a greater freedom into the lives of those who are grieving for whatever reason.

I agree the waiting can be difficult at times and on more than one occasion I told God it was time to move on and I was sick and tired of being where I was. the waiting can be an introspective time. I time where I had to re-evaluate who I was if I wasn't married to my husband anymore. However, there is no speeding through the process and it will take as long as it takes. When looking over my life it became difficult to believe that God is truly good and was for me not against me. He is however the "I Am" He is God and all I could do was stand before Him and just be. Like you I know that I am not alone. A greater part of me is now invested in heaven not only my relationship with God but my soul mate. I wonder at times if the older we get and the more family and friends go on ahead of us to be with God - do we become less and less attached to earth? Just a thought.

I have chosen Social Work as my profession and I feel that I have a lot to offer to the families I work with. The important part of this is that I have now gained acacademic knowledge balanced out with personal experience. I feel that this has given me a depth to my practice and a wonderful way to give out and support families - which is my passion.